My Approach to Couples Therapy
Helping Couples Move Out of Conflict and Back Toward Connection
Most couples do not come to therapy because they have stopped caring—they come because they are stuck.
The same arguments keep happening. Communication becomes defensive or distant. Small moments turn into larger disconnection. Trust feels strained. Resentment builds. One partner may feel unheard while the other feels like nothing they do is enough.
Often, both people are trying to protect themselves, but the pattern between them becomes the problem.
My work in couples therapy focuses on helping you understand that pattern, reduce reactivity, and create more clarity, emotional safety, and connection.
I integrate principles from Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT), the Gottman Method, and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to support meaningful and lasting change.
The Relationship Pattern Is the Focus
I do not approach couples therapy by deciding who is right or wrong.
Instead, we look at the interactional cycle you are both caught in—the repeating pattern of pursuit, withdrawal, criticism, defensiveness, shutdown, escalation, or emotional distance that keeps the relationship feeling painful.
When couples begin to understand the pattern rather than only blaming each other, space for change opens.
The goal is not perfection. It is greater understanding, emotional safety, and the ability to respond differently.
Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT)
Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) helps couples move beyond power struggles by balancing change with acceptance.
Many relationship problems are not solved by trying harder to force change. Often, they involve deeper differences in personality, emotional needs, coping styles, or long-standing vulnerabilities.
IBCT helps couples:
Understand recurring conflict patterns
Reduce blame and polarization
Build emotional acceptance and empathy
Strengthen problem-solving where change is possible
Respond to differences with more flexibility and less reactivity
This approach helps partners move from “you are the problem” toward understanding the emotional system you are both participating in.
Gottman Method
The Gottman Method couples therapy approach provides practical tools for improving communication, conflict management, and friendship within the relationship.
Drawing from decades of relationship research by John and Julie Gottman (psychologists/ researchers), this work helps identify patterns that predict relationship distress and supports healthier ways of relating.
Gottman-informed work may include:
Improving communication and conflict repair
Reducing criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling
Strengthening friendship, trust, and emotional connection
Learning effective repair attempts during conflict
Creating shared meaning and partnership goals
These tools help couples move from repeated reactive conflict toward more intentional connection.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) couples therapy model focuses on attachment, emotional safety, and the deeper needs underneath conflict.
Often, arguments are not truly about the surface issue—they are about fear of disconnection, rejection, abandonment, or not feeling emotionally safe with the person you depend on most.
EFT helps couples:
Understand the emotional meaning beneath conflict
Identify attachment needs and protective responses
Reduce cycles of emotional disconnection
Strengthen vulnerability, responsiveness, and trust
Create a more secure emotional bond
This work helps couples move from reactive protection toward deeper emotional connection.
How I Integrate These Approaches
Each couple is different.
Some need immediate tools for communication and conflict repair. Others need deeper work around trust, attachment wounds, betrayal, burnout, or long-standing relational patterns.
My approach is flexible and collaborative.
I integrate:
IBCT for understanding conflict patterns and balancing acceptance with change
Gottman strategies for practical communication and conflict repair
EFT for emotional connection, attachment, and trust repair
Relational and reflective work to understand how each partner’s personal history shapes the relationship
This allows therapy to be both structured and deeply meaningful—not just solving arguments, but helping you understand why the arguments keep happening.
High-Conflict Couples and Professional Stress
I often work with couples where one or both partners are healthcare professionals or high-responsibility adults carrying significant stress.
Burnout, long work hours, emotional exhaustion, caregiving demands, and chronic pressure can quietly erode connection over time.
Couples may find themselves functioning like coworkers or crisis managers rather than partners.
Therapy helps slow this down.
It creates space to understand how stress is shaping the relationship and how both partners can reconnect with clarity, partnership, and emotional presence.
Safety, Violence Assessment, and When Couples Therapy May Not Be Appropriate
Emotional and physical safety are essential in couples work.
Part of responsible couples therapy includes careful assessment for intimate partner violence, coercive control, threats, intimidation, fear, or situations where one partner does not feel emotionally or physically safe.
Not all conflict is the same. High conflict and repeated arguments are different from patterns of abuse, control, or violence.
When there is active violence, coercion, fear, or significant power imbalance, traditional couples therapy may not be appropriate and can sometimes increase risk. In these situations, the priority is safety—not improving communication alone.
Assessment may include:
Physical violence or threats of harm
Coercive control, intimidation, or fear-based dynamics
Emotional abuse, manipulation, or ongoing psychological aggression
Financial control or restriction of independence
Monitoring, isolation, or patterns of surveillance
Substance use, impulsivity, or escalating risk factors
Whether each partner can safely speak openly in session
When safety concerns are present, barriers to effective couples therapy often include:
One partner being unable to speak honestly without fear of consequences
Pressure to maintain the relationship at the expense of personal safety
Therapy being used to further blame, control, or manipulate
Unequal power that prevents true collaboration
Ongoing trauma responses that require individual stabilization first
In some cases, individual therapy, safety planning, crisis support, or specialized domestic violence resources are more appropriate before or instead of couples work.
The goal is always to protect safety and ensure therapy supports healing rather than unintentionally increasing harm.
Couples therapy works best when both partners are able to participate with honesty, accountability, and enough emotional safety for meaningful change to occur.
What Couples Therapy Looks Like
Couples therapy is a space where both partners are heard.
This includes:
Understanding the history of the relationship and current concerns
Identifying repeating conflict cycles and emotional triggers
Clarifying goals for treatment
Building communication, repair, and emotional regulation skills
Exploring trust, intimacy, boundaries, and shared expectations
Supporting healthier patterns both inside and outside of session
The work is not about taking sides. It is about helping the relationship become safer, clearer, and more sustainable.
Getting Started
Beginning couples therapy can feel vulnerable, especially when conflict has been building for a long time.
You do not need to have everything figured out before starting.
You are welcome to schedule a complimentary consultation to discuss what is happening in your relationship, whether this approach feels like a good fit, and next steps for working together.